Hometown Heartbreak

Its hard to put into words how I feel. I told my husband last night that I'm depressed. I'm not even there and I'm depressed. A few months ago I blogged about the fire here in Texas and our close call and came to realize what makes for a home, now I'm realizing that your memories make your home as well. State College is one of my homes. Its my hometown, where I grew up...State College is memorialized in my history, in my story - its a huge part. No I didn't go to Penn State, as a young kid growing up in a small town I wanted to adventure out into the world and find another place to call home. As a Hokie grad I don't know how all the Penn Staters feel, PSU is not my PSiloveU but the town that houses the University is synonimous with Penn State and that town is mine. Its all ours. It's Happy Valley where it may not be sunny every day and we may not all be Happy all the time but its a fantastic place to call ours. Our little hometown, our little Valley, ours. I may not live there anymore, I may call somewhere else home, but these days I'm clinging to my memories of State College, a place we all thought we knew. I've called my parents more times in the past week than I have in the past few months trying to get a sense of the place. I'm clinging to anything I can in memory of my State College. My town. To hear the media describe the events, to see the images of the place I love demonized by utter media chaos makes me sad for my valley.

The tragedy in this story is of course what happened to innocent children. The tragic part for people from, living in or associated with State College is our town will never be the same. Its not JoePa, although he has helped to define the place for more than 60 years, I'd like to see the media step away from that topic. Its a sensational story and it will surely sell to the mass of sports fans throughout the country but lets not forget or forgive what allegedly happened in my pristine hometown where we don't have to lock our back doors, where everyone is family.

I hope the truth comes out, all of it. The Grand Jury investigation has been 3 years in the making. Why now? Why does it take the State of Pennsyvlania years to arrest someone of their alleged crimes and no actions have taken place up until now. I know exactly why, due process. It is the same process that allowed my baby mama drama to take 2 full years to be signed into order and that was nothing compared to the astronomically huge deal this is. It took us one day to take our case to a judge. Its taken how many years for a judge to sign an order keeping the accused in this case away from kids. Really? State of Pennsylvania, didn't you think it might be a good idea to keep him away from children legally when you let him post bail. I'm confused and saddened by it all. Depressed, like I said before.

I hope we hear the entire story, if people covered it up they should lose their jobs. If the accused did what is said then he will get his.

I want State College back. I want to turn on the tv without my hometown as media central. Its the center of the world to me and I hate that its the center of the world to everyone else and is now demonized as "cover-up", "child-abuse" central because of what one man's actions did. One man. One single individual has affected the lives of 8 perhaps 9 young men in a horrifying manner. One single individual played a sick game of charades to others that thought they knew him, a two faced monster. One single individual has brought an entire community down. One single individual has caused turmoil in daily lives of anyone that associates themselves with Penn State. One single individual has affected the people who live in my hometown.

'In this green vale that molds our spirits' we are hurt. Hurting for the victims, hurting for our spirit - we want the spirit of our town back, back to the way it was before all this. We know it never will be same but we can hope above all else that this will not define our town. Like any good family strife we'll get our spirit back eventually, it will take time and the truth but eventually we'll get to redefine this place we call home. We'll always have the memories we grew up with, and we'll look upon those memories fondly.

This is State College, the place where I grew up. This is my State College. Its a Sad Valley today and it probably will be for a while to come but...We are...and forever will be...State College, PA , We are Happy Valley.

I heart State College, PA.